Mail Spam Crisis; Concern for L-TUC-A5 Enviroment


Every day, the presses at Cubeo churn out enormous quantities of Aisling programme materials. From childrens’ books through gossip magazines to lesson plans and academic papers, these cover subjects from cooking to civil defence, popular music to moral philosophy.

Unfortunately, it would appear that the nearby system of Lambda 1 Tucanae regularly receives more than ten times its assigned quota of materials. ‘This is ridiculous!’ said Mr D. Gusted of Jones Dock. ‘The disposal chute is getting more backed up every day. The postman was bent double bringing a dozen copies of everything just to the first corridor on his route, even in microgravity. I honestly think he preferred it when he was a slave!’

Concerns have been raised about environmental damage on L-Tuc-A5, which now has thousands of tonnes of rubbish incinerated in its atmosphere every week.

‘It is a shame that synthesised paper must be used and we are sensitive to concerns about this,’ said Lady Michelle Massey of Aisling Media. ‘Unfortunately, electronic communications are too easily ignored or lost in the junk filters. Even in the thirty-fifth century, there is no substitute for physical media.

‘I have heard conspiracy theories that neuro-active chemicals are being absorbed from the paper through skin and increasing suggestibility. That is patently ridiculous. The toxic grammar and spelling in some of the programme material, however, is another matter. I counted seven uses of the grocer’s apostrophe alone in yesterday’s audit, sent directly to impressionable minds. Shipping should be suspended until this is resolved.’

Lazy delivery pilots are blamed for the excess material; efforts to correct prose are ongoing.

  • Originally published July 29th 3301

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